I am, again, the on-call.

Oh how I hate being the on-call. Oh how I wish I had some sort of terrible power – let’s say pyrokinesis – that I could unleash on them. Instead I will merely note the following very bad ideas.

If you want not to be hated by everyone, do not:

  • upgrade your Exchange server on Super Bowl Sunday. What the fuck are you even thinking? Do you know whom I had to call about that? The only guy in our whole company who lives in Boston. During the Super Bowl. This Super Bowl. While he was hosting a party.
  • make me spend weeks holding your hand, configuring your firewalls, smoothing all the wrinkles, learning your network, calling you every day like some lovelorn teen and then decide that even though what I’m doing is better than what you originally wanted it all needs to be scrapped because it’s not what you originally wanted. Do not then also gripe about getting something better even as you acknowledge that it is better.
  • call in at nearly midnight, an hour after you’ve rebooted a firewall that’s acting wonky, and ask me to “fix” it. It isn’t broken anymore. What is there to fix? The only thing I can see that I could possibly want to fix are my hands around your throat. Oh, silly me, that’s fit or perhaps affix.

These simple tips will surely help your various IT staff and other such folks not kill you in the hallway. You can thank me later.