So, I went to the dentist for my six-month checkup on Monday. At the age of not-quite-32, I have never had a cavity, never had a tooth pulled, etc. I’m just one of those people. It is not through some rigorous regimen of care – I brush, I swish*, but I don’t floss and my toothbrush, while it does have the spinny bits like a fancy one, is in fact a $4 Crest knock-off of the Oral-B style of fancy toothbrush.

At any rate, I went to the dentist. I generally dislike going to the dentist, not because I fear them but because that metal scraper tool they use just annoys the crap out of me. So there I am, having assumed the position, and the lady says to me, “Have you ever tried The Cavinator?”

Just say that aloud: The Cavinator. It sounds like Terminator, only with Cav instead of Term.

Me: “What’s that?”

Her: “The Cavinator. It’s a thin, very high-pressure stream of warm water. It’s a lot faster than the scraper, but some people think it feels weird, and it kind of sprays you a little.”

Me: “I want to try this.”

Yes, gone are the days of wild-eyed, drug-addled college partying. Now I get my kicks by trying new dentistry tools on myself.

Bottom line: it was awesome. It was fast, it didn’t hurt, it didn’t make that awful noise, it did the job in no time at all and it misted the crap out of me which was rather refreshing after having walked to the dentist’s office from the garage where my car was being made inspection-worthy.

“I don’t know why more people don’t use this,” she said. “I love it.”

Yes, this is basically the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week. But seriously, next time you’re at the dentist, ask about The Cavinator. In that it produced an absence of hating my mouth after the scraper, it was like unto a high all its own.

* Do I ever! Zing!