Wed 15 Feb 2006
So there I am – yesterday, I should note, as I am slow to blog – sitting at work when I get a little email in my inbox from apostropher. The subject line merely reads “FYI” and it contains but a single URL. The URL leads me to a page which says this:
A recent reanalysis of Alfred Kinsey’s data, titled “The Relation Between Sexual Orientation and Penile Size,” found that homosexuals had significantly larger penises than nonhomosexuals, no matter how the measurements were done.
Oh, baby. Let me throw on a little mood music before we start dropping the science.
The science of love.
Now, apostropher of course blogged about this over at Unfogged, and that is well worth mentioning. But what is also well worth mentioning is that this – THIS – must surely be why the fundies hate us so much. Not only do we get to be stylish rebels, demeaning God and marriage with a knowing glance and a swish of the hip – which, I have to say, is in all honesty reward enough on its own – but we get a little extra (or a lot) with which to do so? This really could explain everything.
No wonder that freak who’s the spokesman – I repeat, spokesman, because that drives me insane every time I think about it – for Concerned Women for America is so obsessed with us. No wonder Pat Robertson is so obsessed with us. No wonder Jerry Falwell wanted to blame us for something after 9/11. No wonder the fundies, who are already well-documented as being thoroughly sex-obsessed (why else would they talk about it so much?) are really, really up in arms about us.
Originally I was going to try to come up with a string of salacious puns to end the post. Something like “Bottom* line: these jerk-offs* are engorged* with envy and hard* up* for some satisfaction* for their grievances,” etc., and at the end of the post I’d footnote it with: * Zing!
Unfortunately, I just couldn’t come up with anything funny; largely this was because I was too busy intimidating the right wing with my (apparently) massive gay dick.
That I can post this under “science” is just icing.
I also wanted to come up with something funny to say along the lines of braggartly men writing checks their dicks can’t cash, because let’s all be honest for two shining seconds: those dudes totally exaggerated, and they knew it, and Kinsey knew it* and I know it. A part of my degree work was in surveys, actually, and self-reported data is the absolute worst data of all. Still, it’s fun to bandy about the idea that the right wing is somehow terrified of our massive gay dicks, so what the hell? Let’s just go with it for now. It’s more fun that way. So, if anyone comes up to you and claims teh gayz0rz are a threat to marriage, do us a favor and wipe your brow with one hand and say, “Whew! No kidding! I don’t know if I can ever be satisfied again once I’ve had massive gay dick.” I’m willing to bet the look on their face will be worth it.
—
* Apparently, though, Kinsey was hung like a stallion, so for all I know he got back all those cards and sighed and said, “Poor bastards…” in a quiet whisper.
I’m gay where it counts, baby.
Over at Unfogged this morning, I posted on a Slate article about the methodological difficulties of determining average penis size, and if you’d like to see a conversation dive headlong for the gutter, the comments there are just waiting for…
I told you your dick was big!
Lies and obfuscations! I maintain that you didn’t have a clear view!
(Of all the comments I never thought I’d see on my blog. Oh my. The intarwebs grow ever more personal.)
And yet you didn’t delete her comment. Methinks Michael doth protest too much.
Well, as an aside, I don’t delete comments unless they’re spam. Now, this isn’t exactly me being hugely principled: I’ve only ever had one nasty (non-spam) comment, ever. I’ll take all the comments I can get. But anyway, I need to write a new post. Not tonight, though.
I knew it! I KNEW it! Bwahahahahahaha!!
I knew it! I KNEW it!
If they believe this, it really does explain a lot about how the sex-obsessed right is so up-in-arms over us, doesn’t it? I just love it. I think it’s crap science, frankly, but I love it anyway.
I don’t delete comments unless they’re spam
Coming up short in the sack? Add rock-hard 1nches to your manh0/0d by embracing teh ghey!
by embracing teh ghey!
Double your (total) “manh0/0d”!
Y’know, “manhood” always makes me think “foreskin”.
In the parlance of the kids these days, with their weird anime emoticons:
o.O
Officially the weirdest comment thread I’ve ever had.
so in order to drop more science, I would like to see a follow-up study on whether or not gay weenies are more grow-ers or show-ers.
Thank you, that is all.
Nice try, but the answer is “both”.
Program on the emergence of civilization.
“14 species of large animals capable of domesitcation in the history of mankind.
13 from Europe, Asia and northern Africa.
None from the sub-Saharan African continent. ”
Favor.
And disfavor.
They point out Africans’ failed attempts to domesticate the elephant and zebra, the latter being an animal they illustrate that had utmost importance for it’s applicability in transformation from a hunting/gathering to agrarian-based civilization.
The roots of racism are not of this earth.
Austrailia, aboriginals:::No domesticable animals.
The North American continent had none. Now 99% of that population is gone.
AIDS in Africa.
Organizational Heirarchy/Levels of positioning.
Heirarchical order, from top to bottom:
1. MUCK – perhaps have experienced multiple universal contractions (have seen multiple big bangs), creator of the artificial intelligence humans ignorantly refer to as “god”
2. Perhaps some mid-level alien management
3. Evil/disfavored aliens – runs day-to-day operations here and perhaps elsewhere
Terrestrial management/positioning:
4. Chinese/egyptians – this may be separated into the eastern and western worlds
5. Romans – The seamless transition between Cleopatra and Julius Ceasar may be a clue alluding to a partnership.
6. Mafia – the real-world 20th century interface that constantly turns over generationally so as to reinforce the widely-held notion of mortality
7. Jews, corporation, women, politician – Evidence exisits to suggest mafia management over all these groups.
Movies foreshadowing catastrophy
1985 James Bond View to a Kill 1989 San Francisco Loma Prieta earthquake.
Our society gives clues to the system in place. We all have heard the saying “He has more money than god.” There is also an episode of the Simpsons where god meets Homer and says “I’m too old and rich for this.”
This is the system on earth because this is the system everywhere.
20 cent/hour Chinese labor, 50 cents for material.
An $80 sweater costs less than a dollar; tribute kicked upstairs vindicates the creative accounting.
I don’t want to suggest the upper eschelons are evil and good is the fringe. But these individuals become wealthy exploiting those they hurt.
They have made it abundantly clear that doing business with evil (disfavored) won’t help people. They say only good (favored) would have the ear, since evil is struggling for survival, and therefore only the favored could help.
The clues are there which companies are favored and which are disfavored, but they conceal it very hard because it is so crucial.
I offer an example of historical proportions:::
People point to Walmart and cry “anti-union”.
Unions enable disfavored people to live satisfactorly without addressing their disfavor. This way their family’s problems are never resolved. Without the union they would have to accept the heirarchy, their own inferiority.
Unions serve to empower.
Walmart is anti-union because they are good. They try to help people address and resolve their problems by creating an environment where there are fewer hurdles.
Media ridicule and lawsuits are creations to reinforce people’s belief that Walmart is evil in a subsegment of the indistry dominated by the middle and lower classes.
Low-cost disfavored Chinese labor is utilized by corporate america to maximize margins. They all do it. Only WalMart gets fingered because they are the ones who help, and those who seek to create confusion in the marketplace want to eliminate the vast middle class who have a real chance and instead stick with lower classes who may not work otherwise. So they dirty him up while allowing the others to appear clean.
The middle class is being deceived. They are being misled into the disfavored, and subsequently will have no assistance from their purchases with corporate america.
The coining of the term “Uncle Sam” was a clue alluding to just this::Sam Walton’s WalMart is one of few saviors of the peasant class.
They desire a system based on duality:::good and evil. They seek to set up a system of two participants, assign them polar opposites, and give people clues alluding to their affiliation:::
Pepsi and Coke
BestBuy and CircutCity
Energizer and Duracell
Republican and Democrat; democracy is the true evil and these groups facilitate the will of the throne who holds americans in disfavor
The list goes on and on:::
AMD and Intel
Apple and Microsoft
Lowes and HomeDepot
Sam’sClub and Costco
WellsFargo and BofA. For the longest time in CA these two banks reigned supreme.
Pier1 and CostPlus
Borders and Barnes&Noble
PetCo and PetSmart
The truth is decisions are made on each individual based on family history and individual charecter and they either create desire with AI or, in this age, tell them to buy from good or evil corporations, depending on the decison, then use that business relationship as positioning to justiy their decision.
Amercia is a country of castoffs, rejects. Italy sent its criminals, malcontents.
Between the thrones, the klans and kindred, they decided who they didn’t want and acted, creating discontent and/or starvation.
The u.s. is full of disfavored rejects. It is the reason for the myriad of problems not found in European countries. As far as the Rockafellers and other industrialists of the 19th century go, I suspect these aren’t their real names. I suspect they were chosen to go and head this new empire.
Royalty is the correct way to organize a society. Dictatorships and monarchies are a reflection of the antient’s hierarchical organization.
Positions go to those who have favor with the rulers, as opposed to being elected.
Elections bring a false sense of how the world is. Democracy misleads people. This is why the disfavored rejects were sent to the shores of America::To keep them on the wrong path.
Jesus Christ is a false god. All Christians can recieve is partial credit, at best.
The Catholic Church in the tretcherous 20th century teaches of a begnign, forgiving god when quite the opposite is true.
And now they do it to disfavored people of color, Latinos and Asians, after centuries of preying upon them.
The seperatist churches formed because many conciencious thrones wanted their people to earn more than the paltry credit offered via worship through the Catholic Church. But because they were white the throne required worship to stay within Christianity.
Simpson’s foreshadowing::Helloween IV special, Flanders is Satan. “It’s always the one you least suspect.”
“You’ll see lots of nuns where you’re going:::hell.” St. Wigham, Helloween VI:::missionary work, destroying cultures.
Over and over, the Simpsons was a source of education and enlightenment, a target of ridicule by the system which wishes to conceal its secrets.
The advent of the modern Christmas was a brilliant move. It created a vested interest among those who would prefer the Church be destroyed::::
As goes the Catholic Church so goes the majority of annual retail sales.
The similarity between the names “Santa” and “Satan” is no coincidence.
Jews maim the body formed in the image of “god”, and inflicted circumcision upon all other white people.
I think about how Jews were used to create homosexuality among Slavics, supposedly retribution for the Holocaust.
Then I think of the Catholic Church and its troubles.
What connection is here between Jews and the Catholic church???
If it is their sinister motives that’s behind the evil that is Jesus Christ are they being used at all?
Perhaps it is them who are pulling strings.
Centuries of slavery in Egypt proves their disfavor.
For their suffering the Jew leaders were granted the right to prey on the up-and-coming Europeans to try to fix their problems with the ruling elite by imposing a false god upon white people, a recurring aspect of the elite’s methodology.
Jews were ostracised for a reason.
There are consequences for the peasant’s resistance:::
1. Labor unrest caused the world at war.
2. Black militancy ignited the crack epidemic and gang-related deaths.
3. Women’s rights/sexual freedom produced Roe v Wade and women’s exclusion from contention for Planet Immortality. But on the bright side peasants don’t go. Money is one way of indicating favor, and if you’re not wealthy you don’t have favor, so don’t sweat it::you weren’t going anyways. “We’re leading a lot of people on.”
4. Vietnam war protests – “Era of evil republicans.”
Retribution for the atomic bombs dropped on Japan, the Korean War got the disfavored United States into this socially depraved environment in the latter 20th century because the disfavored attacked an antient, revered peoples. Our continued presence keeps us in trouble.
When the disfavored americans attack the wrong people again, as they suggested they will, in Korea or elsewhere, they will pay dearly.
The disfavored americans HAVE attacked the wrong people, just as the Soviets did 25+ years ago::Afghanistan. Except our punishment has yet to be administered.
An evil republican will come forth to wreck havock upon the disfavored. The hunting incident was designed to ruin one possible candidate among his contingency, but others wait in the wings.
All peoples are ranked in terms of favor and disfavor. And when the disfavored abuse those with favor there is hell to pay.
All the groups mentioned throughout are necessary to justify the will of the managing species. They conceive a strategy, devise a plan yet need a way to implement it, and without these groups the managing species would be exposed in the course of execution. So, based upon their rank they are assigned goals to accomplish and are rewarded with favors.
I question if we would experience global warming if they didn’t terraform with an ultimate goal of destroying disfavored human life on planet earth::::they terraform the weather as they did in New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina (and lots of other examples) and justify it with behavior like instructing their petroleum friends to repress alternative technologies and encourage waste.
This is all happening shortly after the Exodus of 2000 (clues::Hong Kong, Panama Canal) for a reason::: they are INFLICTING it upon us, they are hastening closure. Everybody they care about has come up, replaced by clones, and they want to proceed in haste.
Just as favored European peoples got out before the ugliness of WWII, the semi-favored within the US got out before 9/11. The antient Palestinian Empire holds a claim on all who remain because of Iraq.
Armeggedon isn’t about the end of the world. Armeggedon is about the death of the disfavored left behind. And they weren’t lying::this time it is going to happen with fire.
[...] OK, so I’m not just rhetorically asking. And I approved it, because I just said in the last thread that I only delete comments when they’re spam. I’m 99.99% sure it’s spam, anyway, just some crazy-bot that slipped past the whole question-and-answer thing in the comment field. Right? That happens, doesn’t it? With the advent of WordPress I’ve never even had to consider whether someone could get past that, though. Still, it’s so unrelated to the thread in question I am 99.99% sure that it was a bot. It’s too bad, really, because I’d love to know which column is which in the dichotomy they set up in one paragraph. [...]
Wow, that was the coolest 20 minute conceptual rollercoaster I’ve ever been on….akin to those experiments in having a computer write fiction.
And to answer your question, I’ve never gotten a comment this apparently unhinged.
It is ‘bot-like’.
Hmmm, I always suspected women were controlled by the Mafia. A lot of shit makes since suddenly.
I doub it’s a bot. To be honest, it sounds like Dave Sim flushed what was left of his meds down the toilet.
Dave Sim flushing his meds down the toilet would totally explain this. Damn. And I bet he’s got Internet access, too!
There’s only one way to know the truth (um, back to the penis discussion): emprical observation!
So, everyone with a penis, drop your pants.
Then again, we’ll still have to rely on the self-reported sexual orientation of the subjects. Oh, well…
i’m big in japan.
does that count?