Spotted this on /. today, so you’ve probably seen it: The Darth Side,
a blog by Lord Vader. Hilarious and poignant. It’s like
reading a Terry Pratchett take on the Star Wars universe. Here’s
a sample:
Bloody interrogation. Imperial audience. More leg woes.
Did you ever have one of those days?
It can be challenging to maintain your dignity as a dark tyrannical
overlord when the circuitry in your left leg constantly misfires,
threatening to send you off on a mad pirouette without notice. It
requires a serious effort of will to maintain my poise, the tendrils of
my connection to the Force reaching deep into space to feel out my
distant quarry and at the same time wrapped around the mechanisms of my
own body to keep them working.I am stretched too thin.
The traiterous dog Krelcon was captured early this morning and brought
around to the Imperial palace after breakfast. I had poached eggs with
ham, buttered crumpets and a glass of wetfruit juice.During my interview with Krelcon he admitted to me that he had been
involved in smuggling the stolen data tapes of the Death Star’s
technical readout to the Rebel Alliance. In order to produce similarly
fruitful results I used the Force to crush all of the small bones in
his hands. Krelcon became most chatty then, and we discussed likely
locations of the hidden rebel base.Things went badly after that point, however. I confess that Krelcon
took me off guard when he mentioned the prophecy. Eyes burning in a
masque of pulp and blood he screamed, “The son of the suns is nigh,
knight-bastard! He is on your very threshold!“I had meant to backhand him but my passions were aroused and my
concentration faltered, and so instead I released control of my errant
left leg and instantly found myself doing a frenzied, lop-sided jig
that turned me in place.Krelcon found the strength to laugh. Thus, with one powerful thrust of the Force I burst his skull.
Which was probably premature. But que sera, sera.
Now that is the Lord Vader I remember from childhood. (more…)
